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  • elenaham87

I'm A Good Person

I think it’s pretty safe to say that almost all of us are raised to be good people. To have a moral compass. To be honest, respectful, and courteous. Sure, we have those few that have a tough upbringing where some of these things are not really instilled at a young age, causing some struggles, but that’s going to have to be a story for another day. I want to talk to those of us that have been raised to be good people because I believe this is the majority of us.


I was raised by both of my parents. My mom did most of the raising though. In a Hispanic household, when I was growing up, a lot of the time, fathers weren’t really involved. Not because they didn’t love their children but because of how they were raised. They were raised to be providers. They took their roles of providers pretty seriously. I’m not sure if things are still predominantly this way, but this is what it was for me, and for many others I knew. Though my father wasn’t really close in raising me, his actions spoke louder than words. His actions taught me about respect, honor, and honesty. My parents were far from perfect, but whose parents are. Just as my father ‘s actions demonstrated core values; my mother taught me to have a moral compass. Knowing between right and wrong was important, but choosing the right one no matter the circumstance was equally as important. She also taught me to be courteous and to be respectful. We went to mass every Sunday. Our religion (Catholic) was very important in our family. I went to catechism and received all my sacraments and learned about Jesus. This also added to my values.


One thing I will say is that, although my father had his own way of dealing with me, and my sisters, his character, and the way he carried himself, always demanded respect. I can truly say that I feared my father. I would even go on to say that it may have started as an unhealthy fear. I loved my father, and still do but growing up he was a very stern man. He was intimidating, but as I grew older, I understood him more. The fear I had of him grounded me. Almost like keeping me safe. I would think twice about asking to go somewhere or do something because if there was anything bad involved, then I would have to suffer the consequences. Nothing ever seemed to be worth pushing that envelope so I lived what some may call a sheltered life, but in my eyes, I just always played it safe. They say that if you play with fire you’re going to get burned. I wasn’t interested in getting burned…lol.


As I grew into my teenage years and into my adult years, everything that was instilled in me at a young age, remained and provided a foundation for having a good character. I was officially “a good person”. You’ll often hear people say “Oh I’m a good person. I don’t steal, kill or cheat “. I was that person. So, I went through life considering myself a good person. I worked hard, minded my own business, and I was respectful towards others. I loved and honored my parents. I mean, what else could anyone ask for? I even went to mass every Sunday with my mom. Surely, I’m living this thing called life to the best of my ability. Jesus should be pleased. I mean, I didn’t talk to him often unless I had a pressing matter, but I was a good person, so I’m sure he understood that, right?


Well, I continued to live my life. I didn’t cause any issues for anyone. It seemed to work out just fine. I had a very quiet life. I graduated high school, went to college and had a full-time job. I paid my bills, had a boyfriend, didn't get pregnant and I made sure to always respect my parents. I thought I was doing an outstanding job at this thing called life.


In late 2011 I began to get curious over a subject that was so unheard of in my upbringing. Even in all the times I attended church I had never heard of it. I was working at a bank, and we had a few churches that had their accounts with us, and they often came to make deposits. I developed a friendship with the gentleman that would make the deposits for one of the churches. One day I overheard him talking to the security guard over something called the rapture. I was intrigued and a little afraid at the same time. Between running the cash deposits and calculating the checks and helping with other customers, I was unable to fully hear the whole conversation. I just picked up bits and pieces of the conversation. I wrapped up the deposit and the gentleman left. What is this rapture thing that they were talking about? I had never heard this talked about at mass on Sundays. Did I miss church the day this was explained? I was confused but also very curious. I was determined to find out what this meant so I made sure to look out for my friend for the next time he dropped off another deposit.


The following week came, and I saw my friend, the gentleman that makes the church deposits. Another teller took the deposit for him, and I didn’t have any customers since I was working at the drive-through. I took advantage of this free moment to ask him this long-awaited question. I started some small talk with him and then I saw my opportunity, so I asked him. “Hey, last week, you were talking to the security guard about something called the rapture. What exactly is that?” He explained that it was the coming of Jesus Christ for his bride. Those who are living in Christ, and those that have died in Christ will ascend into the sky to meet with Jesus. Bride? Jesus has a bride? “OK this is different” I thought to myself. He kept explaining that this is something that will happen when the world is in its ending days. I was so taken back with all this info. What can of worms did I just open up? This sounded real, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it all. I’m not going to lie; I was a little afraid because something inside of me assured me that this could all be true.


A few days went by, and I was still thinking about everything this gentleman had said. Could this all be real? Is it the truth and if it is, where do I stand in all this? My mind was bombarded by so many thoughts. Man, if this is true, I need to know. Thank goodness I’m a good person and I go to church on Sundays because if any of this goes down, I should be straight, right? I didn’t want to leave any room for doubts so I figured I would ask my mom. The next day she got home from work and settled in. I walked into the kitchen as she was watching TV and I asked her what she knew of the end of the world. She basically told me that the world doesn’t end, we end meaning we die, and the world keeps going. I let out a sigh of relief. What a weight off my shoulders. This sounded better.


A few days passed by, and something started bubbling back up regarding the rapture. Was my mom right or did she just tell me what I wanted to hear? Maybe she thought she was protecting me from fear by giving me this simple non complicated answer. Maybe she does know that the world is going to end but maybe she just doesn’t think it will be in our time. Or maybe she just didn’t know the specifics on how it’ll all go down so this response was easier for her. I was back at square one. I needed answers, but I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to accept information that followed in line with what my friend had provided.


Some months pass by and in those months, I think I talked to God more than I ever did before. I just had so many questions. Of course, I didn’t get an audible response from God, but I believe he was preparing me to receive what was coming next.


In April 2012, God came into my life flipping tables. I think he figured it was time for me to know the truth and to understand where I needed to stand concerning him. He brought conviction but I never felt condemned. He showed me, Me. The “good person” Me. See, so often we set false foundations for what qualifies us as good people. Many times, we get lost living life. We find satisfaction in our own accomplishments. We begin to value our money gains, academic degrees, business ventures, and personal relationships more. The measure of what success is, is now heavily predicated upon what we have to show for it. If all the above is checked off, then the world says you’re good. But what does God say? Is there a true balance in your life where God is truly first? Are you bearing fruit to prove this? At this point in my life, none of the above things brought me satisfaction. I could care less about any of it. So, I’ll ask you a question as stated in Mark 8:36 ESV “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? “


God came and exposed all the areas in my life that were far from good and kept me far from him. I’ll talk to you about a few of the bigger ones. Fornication, the enemy had a manipulating grip on my life through fear, and I cussed like a sailor. My mind was geared towards letting everything on the exterior look good while I was rotting on the inside. Here’s the kicker though, I didn’t know I was rotting on the inside, but God did. The wages of my sins were leading me to death. Fortunately, for me, God came and poured grace over me, like never before. In my convictions, I asked for forgiveness from all of my mess. I received forgiveness and was instantly delivered from a life of fornication and cussing. My boyfriend at the time is now my husband, Will, and he can attest to all of this. God allowed me to be uncomfortable with Will touching me in any way that wasn’t respectful in the eyes of God. I couldn’t even bear him touching my lower back as we walked out the door. The power of God’s conviction didn’t allow any room for slip ups. We practiced celibacy for two and a half years which led up to our marriage in September 2014. As for the cussing, it immediately stopped. Again, Will can attest to this, but so could my sisters. We were "three" peas in a pod when it came to cussing. When I stopped completely, they were able to witness God moving in my life. When I hear cuss words now it's almost painful to hear, I even flinch a little. It’s no longer a part of who I am. I won’t pretend to be perfect either, so just know that if I stub my toe on the corner of my bed frame, I might have a choice word that slips out due to my excruciating pain…lol. I’m still human, let’s not forget that part.


The manipulating fear was a process. Deliverance in this area was a slow and steady deliverance. I learned to fight with the word of God. What I learned, unlocked more and more of the chains that kept me bound in fear. Today I can say that I am no longer bound by fear. I still feel fear at times, but God has taught me to test the source. If the source of my fear is not grounded in truth, then it’s not of God and I come against it with the word of God. If you read my previous blog, you’ll remember that my favorite scripture that helped me fight was 2 Timothy 1:7.


I guess I came to find out I wasn’t as good of a person as I thought. I mean at face value I was good. Nobody could see my fornication. Or maybe they suspected it, and they just turned a blind eye to it? Funny how society almost molds our moral compass. I’m sure my parents would have wanted me to remain in purity, but it wasn’t really talked about. I witnessed so many girls around me get pregnant which pointed to their fornication, but I just figured, OK, the goal is to not get pregnant, and I’ll be good. Nobody ever really modeled purity while I was growing up. I would even say that it wasn’t instilled, there was no real conversation around it. It was more of a standard if you will. It didn’t have to be talked about, you just had to know. Why it was important to save myself for marriage wasn’t discussed. Like I said, it was a standard, you just don’t “do it” because it’s bad. Why bad though, if you love the other person, and they love you back? Well, here’s what I know now ~ marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman before God. When you have sex with someone that you are not in covenant with, you open up your soul to the things in that other person. You have made a spiritual covenant with that person now. You're now open and vulnerable to some major hurt and unnecessary warfare and if I knew this, maybe things would have been different, who knows.


If we ask the world their take on this subject, they will tell you that it’s completely OK to have sex before marriage. They almost encourage it which is even more disturbing. The way this world is going it seems to approve so many things that are detestable before the Lord. What was once seen as bad is now good and what was once good is now bad and if it is spoken about, then you are seen as old-fashioned or even worse, a bigot. People's moral compasses are now compromised. We now go by what feels good to our flesh. If it doesn’t feel good, it’s not good. The crazy part is that most Christians are falling more and more under this umbrella.


Have you ever heard of The Fear of God? Reverential fear? It is what God found in Noah. Because Noah feared the Lord, he was obedient to God ‘s command on building the ark. (Hebrews 11:7) Remember earlier I said that I feared my father? I said that the fear I had of him grounded me and kept me safe. Well, that’s exactly what the fear of the Lord does for us. It keeps us grounded in his truth, and he keeps us safe from rebelling and operating only in the flesh. Remember, the wages of sin are death.


As a society, as a people, as Christians, we have lost the fear of God. We think that if we’re not killing or stealing, then we’re doing God a favor. What more can he want right? Wrong! He expects an effort. An effort to do right in his sight. For those that truly don’t know him then I believe there is grace for them until they come to the truth. What grieves me though is our own people. Christians. Born again believers. Those who proclaim their Christianity and yet the fruit that they bear is rotten and does not point back to Jesus. What are we doing? Do we truly believe that God is pleased with how we are living? So basically, we’re telling God that we are only interested in salvation through Christ Jesus, but we draw the line there. We don't want to work on those areas that don’t reflect Christ because they feel too good to our flesh. Notice I said “work on" because God does not expect perfection. Only he is perfect. If we would submit to God, he would help us do the work, but it is a process and it’s a process that we must be intentional with as well. If your relationship with Jesus isn’t bearing any fruit, and you still look, sound and act as you did, when he first found you or your worse off than when he found you then I’m willing to bet that the fear of the Lord is not within you, and until you walk in it, you will continue to live bound to your flesh. The word of God declares that our flesh is hostile to the ways of the Lord. (Romans 8:7) That means that our flesh literally wages a war against God, and based on your fruit, you will know which is winning. So, who’s winning, your flesh or God?


Here’s the good news, God is a merciful and gracious Father. If you find yourself at the crossroad where you have the option to continue living for yourself and your fleshly desires or follow Jesus on a more disciplined path with reverence, then I want to encourage you to go towards Jesus. There is such a misconception in the world that insists that following Jesus sucks. For instance, people quickly think of their fleshly pleasures that will have to be forfeited like drinking, drugs, fornication, perversion, gluttony, gossip… I mean, the list can go on. Actually, as I write these words, I noticed how small and powerless those things are when placed next to the name of Jesus. My brothers and sisters, I want to encourage you to choose Jesus. What he has to give you can’t even begin to compare to the things you’ll give up. Open up to him, make yourself available, and at that moment of vulnerability, at that very moment, that is where he will meet you. I believe that with every fiber in my being. He loves you. He has chosen you. He affirms you. He wants you. He doesn’t need you, but he wants you more than you can even begin to imagine. And for us, we sometimes don’t want him, but we do need him. We will always need him. So, don't rely on being a good person, you see where that got me. Search for holy righteousness, love, purity and obedience in the Lord. This is where true freedom is and where you begin to live the good good life. Blessings!



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2 комментария


lm.paralegal09
27 мая 2023 г.

Thank you for being vulnerable. What an amazing testimony of God’s love and purpose for us. He will meet us right where we are 😭❤️

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erica.mcgee76
27 мая 2023 г.

Sissy!!! This here!!! God is truly using you! I thank God for choosing me to be your sister! ❤️😭😭😭

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